Clean Slate
by msjgatsby
Summary: Mike and Paige keep having the same fight. It's time for a clean slate.


Author's Note: Sorry for the rough nature. Very little time to write but I wanted to get this posted before the new episode aired, and I have Avenue Q tonight, so had to push to finish. It may not make sense.

* * *

Mike is standing in the living room of Graceland pouring over charts when Paige walks in. She's dragging herself through the living room, looking like hell, and ignoring him completely.

"You haven't slept in days. You should get some rest." Mike says cautiously. He knows how strained his and Paige's relationship has been recently. He's afraid to talk to her these days, because everytime he does she snaps at him. He can only take the strained silence for so long though, and he can't take seeing her putting herself through hell. She looks so worn down.

"Yeah, well as long as you don't shut down the human trafficking, I'm going to be awake." She grumbles.

"You'd be more use to them well rested. You can't keep going at this pace, Paige." Mike knows Paige is emotionally invested in these girls. The tinkerbells mean the world to Paige, but she means the world to him. He would do anything to make her happy, but he knows logically that freeing the tinkerbells now would do more harm than good.

"What? So now that you're back, you're in charge of my sleep schedule?" She challenges. "You can't disappear for a week and then come back and act like you're still in charge."

"It's not like I took a vacation, Paige! You know where I was." Mike growls. He had been undercover with the tinkerbells, trying to keep them safe. He thought this would have been a comfort to her. The only reason he was free was because Briggs decided he could do more good on the outside, and had pulled him out of there against his will.

"And what good were you doing in there? You say you want to help these girls and shut down the Solanos, but then, without warning, you suddenly get yourself locked in with them leaving us leaderless?" Paige challenges him.

"It's not like anyone listens to me anyways!" Mike yells at her. "I was in there for you. I know you needed those girls kept safe and it was the only way-"

"It wasn't the only way-" Paige starts to argue with him again. The same argument they keep having.

"-It was the only way I could think of that would _work_. As you all keep reminding me, you were all fine without me before. I didn't think you'd even miss me." Mike says bitterly. No matter how he tries, he can't make her happy anymore. She's not pleased with him here or when he goes under to protect her girls.

"You went out of contact in the middle of the operation you were supposed to be spear heading and you didn't tell anyone what you were planning on doing! I had to hear about your plan while I was eavesdropping on Sulla for Christ's sake. If I hadn't been listening that day, you would have just disappeared and no one would have known what happened to you."

"You're always listening there." Mike rolls his eyes. Paige has been obsessed recently. It wasn't helpful to dwell on what-ifs. His plan had been working, except Briggs had for some unknown reason pulled him out.

"If I hadn't overheard, we would have had to drop everything to do a full investigation on your disappearance! In this business when people just disappear, they're usually dead Mike. Do you know how that would feel if you suddenly just dropped off the face-"

"I know exactly how it would feel. How do you think I felt when I found out you were gone, Paige?" Mike still hasn't gotten over her disappearance. Even now that she's back. His arms ache to hold her close, to assure himself that she was real, alive and here with him. "My whole world stopped. I just kept thinking about all the possibilities, about the last fight we had. Praying to God that wasn't the last time I'd see your face… I would have done anything… I did…"

"What do you mean you did?" Paige asks warily. The one benefit of her barely speaking to him, meant Mike had never had to share the details of how he found her, but now she was asking, and he couldn't lie to her.

"I tortured a man." Mike's voice is barely a whisper.

"You what?" This caught Paige's attention.

"He knew where you were. He wasn't talking. I... I made him talk." Mike can't look her in the eyes as he admits this to her. If she hated him before, she must really hate him now. Torturing Lawrence took Mike to a level of darkness he didn't know he had. The worst part is, even with how ashamed he is of the act, he doesn't regret it. It brought her back to him. Mike would sell his soul to keep her safe, and he felt like that was the price required.

"He's dead now." Mike says as an afterthought, almost to himself. Seeing the shocked look on Paige's face, Mike quickly adds, "I wasn't responsible for that. But I held him down while Briggs… No, it wasn't just Briggs. It was me. I asked him to do it. I couldn't… I couldn't do it on my own… but when Briggs handed me that bottle- Fuck. Paige, I did it. I I forced it down his throat myself and I still have nightmares about it. Some nights I wake up choking, but I just knew you were out there and you needed me. I didn't know what else to do..."

Mike takes a moment to recover from the memory of Lawrence screaming and gasping for breath in his ears.

"But I don't regret it." He says forcefully, "It lead me to you."

"Unbelievable." Paige crosses her arms and stares anywhere but at Mike. When she first met Mike she thought he was this angel, she loved how uncomfortable the lies and the darkness made him. Now he's admitting he tortured someone for information. The worst part is he's not even sorry. Actually, the worst part is she's not shocked. Or maybe it's just the uncomfortable feeling that despite it all, she still wants to rush forward and take him in her arms and tell him it will all be alright. But it won't. How could it?

"I just I had to get you back." Mike says trying to be firm about it, wanting her to say more. If Paige could just forgive him, maybe he could start forgiving himself. The hard set of her jaw though says she is not about to forgive him any time soon.

"So what? You went under with the tinkerbells in revenge for me continuing the operation without you and disappearing? Was it some sort of revenge to make me see how it feels with you trapped in there?" Paige asks, getting angry again. Anger she can deal with. It's familiar. These other feelings, she's not sure how to process.

"No! Of course not." Mike can't believe she would see it that way.

"How else was I supposed to feel about you being in there?" Paige asks, almost shaking with with the way she felt the first night he was gone, and trying to bring herself back to anger as her primary emotion. "You keep telling me how important it is that we shut this case, and how the tinkerbells don't matter in comparison to the grander mission. Why would you risk everything to go under with them?"

"I needed to be close to you." Mike says simply. He went under for her. He knew it wasn't the smart thing to do. He knew he wouldn't be able to do much good there, but he knew if he could even help one girl in there it would help Paige. He was putting her emotional needs above the greater good. Also part of him, the sick part he won't acknowledge, needed to see what she experienced in there. He needed to understand her better. What she went through. Needed to torture himself with the what-if's.

"So you thought that if you stayed there, I'd be what? Grateful enough to sleep with you?" Paige takes his words the wrong way. Again.

"No!" Mike says, trying to find the words to make her understand. "Paige, when I found out where you were, I swore I'd rescue you from that place. I got you out, but Paige part of you is still trapped there. I want you back."

"You're an idiot. What good were you doing in there? Why couldn't you be here planning calling the shots? What were we supposed to do with you gone?" Paige is trying to fight back tears. Angry tears, she tells herself. Not tears at the way she felt with him gone.

"I knew Briggs would step up. Why did he pull me out of Sulla's anyways? "

"I…" Paige looks guiltily at the ground. "I don't know."

She won't tell him it was because she begged Briggs to bring Mike home. That she'd been sitting outside of the warehouse everyday, listening in on what was going on inside, praying she'd hear Mike's voice so she'd know he was still alive. She's exhausted and it's making her emotional. She needs to leave before she says or does something stupid. She doubts she'll sleep, but she just can't be around Mike anymore.

She turns to leave the room, but Mike calls after her.

"Look, I don't mean to sound like a dick here, but how long are you going to be mad at me?" She stops, because she doesn't know if she'll ever stop being mad at him, but he keeps talking. "You forgave Jakes in an instant. Why not me? If it weren't for Jakes you wouldn't have even-"

"Oh no. You do not get to blame Dale for this. He shouldn't have been my only backup that night. I should have had a team. If it weren't for you-" Paige's anger is lit up again at the thought of how she got into the mess in the first place. Mike had screwed his boss and in a fit of jealousy, she had denied Paige her team. Just to show she could.

"So you're mad at me for what, Paige? Is it because I slept with Jessica before you and I were together, or is it that I wouldn't sleep with her once we were?" Mike demands.

"You could have tried-"

"It's not that simple for me, and it shouldn't be for you." Mike growls.

He is still hurt by the memory that Paige would ask him to seduce someone else. If the situation was reversed, Mike could never ask that of her. The thought of anyone touching Paige, drove Mike crazy. He's been a mess these past few weeks, not knowing who had touched her while she was trapped inside that place, and he doesn't have the guts to ask. He can't think about that right now.

"Look. I know you want to shut this Sulla thing down, Paige. I do too. But if we don't do it right, there are just going to be more girls in the future in another way. This is the best-" Mike tries to reason with her but she's heard it a hundred times.

"Meanwhile, we are sacrificing the girls currently it there. They're human beings, Mike."

"I know that, but the future girls Carlito might get are people too. So am I. But you care so much about these girls, these strangers, that you were willing to ask me to…" He can feel tears of frustration brimming in his eyes and he takes a deep breath and steadies his voice, "I know how much these girls mean to you. I just thought, I meant something to you too."

"This isn't about us."

"Right now, it is." Mike says firmly, "Look, Paige I care about you, and this-"

Paige snorts and rolls her eyes, clearly not believing him. Mike grits his teeth. He knows she doesn't believe a word he says these days. He also knows he brought that upon himself. He's lied to her about Briggs, about Abby, about Jess, about Lena… the list goes on, but he can't believe after all they've been through together she would doubt Mike's feelings for her. No one else did.

"Tell me how I can make this right-" Mike begs. Paige opens her mouth to answer but Mike immediately cuts her off saying, "I'm not shutting down the tinkerbell operation yet."

She glares at him.

"Find another way to forgive me." Mike orders her bluntly. "I know you don't believe me, but I want to shut down Sulla as badly as you do. I can't give it my full focus right now. With us fighting all the time, I'm too distracted. I need you on my side, Paige. We're such a good team. We can beat these guys. I know it. Please, just have faith in me. I can do this with your help and I will. I promise. Forgive me."

"I understand why you can't shut it down now." Paige admits finally, "But you don't even care."

"Me caring is not going to help these girls right now. We need to focus on tying it to the men who did this. That will do them more good than me caring." Mike explains. One of the things he loves about Paige is her heart. How much she cares. How passionate she gets. right now though they need logic.

"Maybe you can't save all of them right now, but you could have saved one. You should have taken Lena and left me behind Mike. My cover was intact, I could have lasted until you shut it down. Lena is just a scared little girl. She doesn't belong in there." Paige reminds him. This was the one thing she didn't know if she could forgive Mike for, because she couldn't forgive herself. Three times she had promised to rescue Lena. Three times she had broken that promise.

"_You_ did not belong in there, Paige." Mike says even though he knows she won't believe him. Paige has had survivor's guilt ever since Mike ripped her out of that hell hole. She denied herself all pleasures because she didn't feel like she deserved them. Not while she was free and the other girls weren't. That was part of the reason she kept pushing Mike away. Yes, she was mad at him for other things, but mostly she just didn't feel she deserved affection. Not while the tinkerbells were suffering.

"I had things under control. I would have been fine." Paige says, her voice shaking as she thought again of how scared Lena must be. The fact that Mike didn't believe Paige could have handled herself, and felt the need to rescue her, when he could have saved Lena infuriated her. "She doesn't even-"

"I don't care. _I_ would not have been fine, Paige!" Mike screams at her, "I know you could have handled yourself in there, but _I_ could not have handled having you in there. You are tougher than me. I was a mess with you gone. Not knowing if you were safe? If you were alive? It was killing me."

"Did you even think about what I wanted-"

"I know what you wanted me to do! I couldn't do it. Ok? If I could go back in time, and do it all over again, knowing how things turned out… Knowing how we'd turn out... you know what I would do? I would do the exact same thing." Mike says firmly. "I will always choose you, Paige."

He needs her to realize this truth about him and get it through her head. Because even if she chooses other things over him, her job, her loyalty to graceland, the greater good, Mike's answer is unchanging. It's always Paige. He chose her over Jess. Over Abby. He chose her over his job, when he blew his cover to tell her about his investigation into Briggs. He had chosen her over the director's position in DC. It's why he was still here in Graceland. The second he found out where she was being held, there was no chance he was leaving without her. He hadn't for a second considered trading her for Lena. Even when she begged him.

She seems speechless by this, and the two just stand there glaring at each other.

"Forgive me." Mike orders.

"How can I after all that's happened? It's too much, Mike." Paige asks sadly. She is so tired and broken. This case has taken more of her than anything before.

"Then let's start over. Clean slate." Mike tries a new tactic, walking forward he takes her hand in his and shakes it. "Hi, I'm special agent Mike Warren. I work undercover for the FBI."

"That's a hell of a pick up line…" Paige is taken off guard and can't help but smile as she looks down at her hand in his. Her smile is weak, but it's there and it lifts Mike heart.

The two just stand there for a moment, her hand held in his, Mike waiting to see her reaction. For a moment it almost feels like old times at the drop, before all of this, and Paige considers if they could keep it like this. Mike watches her face as she thinks it over, and then her eyes lower and she pulls her hand away. Mike's shoulders slump in defeat. For a moment he thought that might work.

"I'm going to bed, Mike. It's been a long day. You should too." Paige says softly. Mike sighs. At least she's going to sleep. She needs it. Mike hopes one day they'll get past all this, but it just seems so impossible.

"Yeah, ok. I get it. Goodnight." He says, embarrassed of her rejection. Pulling away, he shoves his hands into his pockets looking back towards the files that await him on the coffee table.

"I'm going to bed, Mike." Paige repeats as if Mike should know what she's talking about. "You should too."

"You get some rest. I'm too worked up for sleep right now, I'll probably just go over the charts again. See if we missed something." Mike goes and sits on the couch next to the charts avoiding eye contact.

She doesn't leave the living room though, just stands there staring at him in disbelief. He finally looks up at her questioningly. She will need to spell it out for him, because Mike is not daring to hope she could mean what he wishes she meant.

"What?" He asks, confused by her piercing stare.

"Come to bed, Mike." Paige orders briskly.

Mike is about to protest some more when he realizes she said 'come' not go. He stares at her warily. She cannot be inviting him into her bed right now, and he's going to sound like the world's biggest ass if he gets this wrong. She turns to leave the room, and curiously, he follows her up the stairs, keeping a safe distance behind her just in case. She walks into her room and he hovers in the hallway outside, still not sure whether he is invited into her private space or not.

She doesn't look back at him. She looks so worn out and again Mike feels a protective urge to return her to heal her former happy self. Facing away from him but still within sight, she lets her hair fall down from it's ponytail. Mike watches cautiously as she then sleepily removes her shirt and drops it on the floor, kicking off her pants as well. The entire scene reminds him of their first night together, but the vibe is entirely different. Then she was playful and seductive, purposefully driving him crazy. Tonight she is tired and defeated and it pains Mike to see her like this.

She's down to her bra and underwear in her room and only now does she look back at Mike standing in the hall. The look in her eyes silently asks him what he's waiting for. Mike finally finds the courage to cross the threshold into her room, closing the door behind him. Walking up behind her, she holds her hair to the side and waits for him. He reaches up and gently unhooks the back of her bra for her, letting it slide forward off her shoulders.

His fingertips rest on her hips and he turns her back around towards him so she pressed up close. He could lean down to kiss her, but he waits. She knows he wants her, but he's not sure what she wants. He doesn't know what was done to her in that place, but after a week observing Sulla and his ways, he has a guess. He wants to kiss her though. So badly. It kills Mike that the last lips his touched weren't hers.

He keeps his fingertips resting lightly on her hips as she reaches up and unbuttons his shirt. She helps him shrug it off his shoulders. He raises his hands up in surrender, like she's frisking him, and she unbuttons his pants lets them drop to the floor as well. Mike steps out of them, leaving the two of them in nothing but their underwear. Exposed to each other.

It feels familiar, like it was just yesterday they were alone and naked together, rather than having spent the past few weeks apart. One very crucial thing has changed though. Before, it was a lighthearted and sweet affair. A secret they kept between themselves, and it felt almost like a fantasy. Now it feels very real. After nearly losing her, Mike knows more than anything, he is deeply in love with her, and there is nothing light about this to him. Her allowing him to see her like this, to touch her, he takes very seriously.

He stares down at her, waiting patiently for her to make the first move. The move she makes is not the one he expects. He was expecting her to kiss him, but instead, she walks over to her desk, pulls out a small silver package, walks back and places it in his hand.

"We've never used condoms before." Mike says looking at the small package in his hand, hating what it might symbolize. He's afraid to ask the next question. Afraid to know the answer. "Why now? When you were under with Sulla, did they rape you?"

"They're not for me. They're for you." Paige answers. Mike would be relieved, except he's too upset with what she's implying.

"You think I slept with one of the girls while I was in there? What sort of monster-" Mike cannot believe she would think that of him. He knew she was mad but this...

"Jessica, Mike. Remember her?" Mike laughs sardonically to himself in relief, but at least she doesn't think he would sleep with one of the tinkerbells. Jessica feels like a lifetime ago.

"You are the last woman I was with." Mike says firmly. "Nothing happened with Jessica."

"You said you went to bed with her-" Paige begins to argue, and Mike realizes she got captured so quickly after they'd never had time to talk about what happened that night. He'd basically told her he loved her and she'd had no response. Now he wanted to make sure he was very clear.

"Yes, and I also told you I couldn't do it." Mike lifts her chin up to his. "Not while I'm in love with someone else. I'm in love with you, Paige."

"For someone who wanted to start fresh, those are really strong words." Paige laughs nervously, looking away from him. "What happened to clean slate?"

"This is my clean slate." Mike can take the waiting no longer. Before she can say another word, he sweeps her up in his arms, crushing her to his chest. His mouth comes down to meet hers and he kisses her passionately. Maybe if she doesn't believe his words, he can convince her another way. He punctuates each word with deep kisses as he continues to whisper huskily, "The first. Second. I. Saw. You. I knew."

She responds to his kisses, and Mike lifts her up so her legs wrap around his waist. He carries her the three feet across the room to the bed. Careful of her injuries, he lays her down on the bed and makes love to her until she finally falls asleep in his arms. Mike is fairly certain this is the first time Paige's slept since their night together before Jessica came.

Mike waits until he's sure Paige is asleep, and then carefully slides out her bed. He steps into his discarded boxer briefs, and sneaks out of her room. He takes one last look to the spot where he has left her sleeping peacefully on her bed then shuts the door behind him.

* * *

Charlie and Briggs stumble into the house, both a little drunk and giggling. It's three am, so they are startled to find they are not the only people in the house. The living room is dimly lit to reveal Mike Warren darting from chart to chart working like a mad man.

"Mikey, I thought we were clear on the rules. No guns downstairs." Charlie grins like a wolf at her own cleverness as she simultaneously mocks/compliments the nearly naked agent pacing around the living room.

"Damn Warren. This is a public area, man. At least put some pants on." Briggs agrees, not sure what to make of the normally well dressed agent now standing with his hair rumbled in nothing but grey boxers in the middle of the living room. He looks possessed.

"If you don't like it don't look." Mike mutters, not looking up from the paper in hand.

Mike is so caught up in the files and information in front of him he barely acknowledges their entrance, let alone the fact that he's standing in the middle of the public space still in his underwear.

At this point he doesn't care whether the entire house knows he's sleeping with Paige, his mind is focused on one task and one task alone. His hyperactive brain, free from the stress of trying to fix his love life, has focused in and is working at a dizzying pace. Besides even though nothing's been said about the matter, except for some snide remarks from Jakes, he assumes they already know about him and Paige. Mike will not worry about that right now though, because finally he sees it.

He sees a way to end this and save the tinkerbells.


End file.
